Some single moms go to great lengths to keep their sex and dating lives entirely separate from their family lives. If you decide to involve your kids, expect consequences. These consequences will not necessarily be negative or harmful. But it’s important to acknowledge the potential for unintended consequences by giving careful thought to the choices you make.
Know yourself. Some single moms mingle their dating lives with their parenting responsibilities because they’re lonely, but feel guilty about spending time away from their kids. Trying to multitask your kids’ emotional needs and your romantic desires is rarely successful. If you feel guilty, perhaps your kids have loudly hinted they feel shortchanged; maybe you still grapple with whether your own needs deserve priority status. Being physically present but emotionally unavailable because you’re giving time and attention to a dating partner may backfire.
Persistent doubts about taking time away from your kids signal you’re not ready to date. You may still have unresolved feelings about prior relationships. Maybe your life is in such turmoil that adding any more drama is realistically unthinkable.
Be prepared, when you know you’re ready. If your bedroom is now a family-friendly spot, it’s time to reclaim your space. Nothing kills the mood like random Legos or leftover kid snacks. If the kids often crawl into your bed at night or co-sleep, evaluate these parenting choices in light of your renewed interest in dating and sex.
Install a bedroom door lock. Privacy matters. Make your bedroom a privacy zone, if only to feel more comfortable when satisfying your own sexual needs or just to get dressed without an audience.
Kids who typically sleep soundly create the unrealistic expectation that they’ll never wake up and demand attention in the middle of the night. Waiting until you’ve met someone and then suddenly insisting on a closed or locked bedroom door arouses kids’ curiosity and sparks a barrage of awkward questions. That’s not to mention the potential for humiliation created by your kids’ social media postings. Enough said.